Tom:
Jane:
Tom:
Jane:
Marrell:
Tom:
Jane:
Marrell:
Tom & Marrell:
Marrell:
Tom:
Marrell:
Alan:
Marrell & Tom:
Jane:
Tom & Marrell:
Jane:
Tom:
Marrell:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Tom & Marrell:
Jean-Pierre:
Marrell:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Marrell:
Jean-Pierre:
Marrell:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Tom:
Marrell:
Tom:
Marrell:
Alan:
Tom:
Alan:
Tom:
Marrell:
Tom:
Marrell:
Alan:
Marrell:
Tom:
Marrell:
Tom:
Marrell:
Jean-Pierre:
Alan:
Tom:
Marrell:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Marrell:
Tom:
Marrell:
Alan:
Marrell:
Tom:
Alan:
Tom:
Marrell:
Jean-Pierre:
Tom:
Alan:
Marrell:
Alan:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Tom:
Alan:
Marrell:
Alan:
Marrell:
Alan:
Marrell:
Alan:
Marrell:
Alan:
Marrell:
Jean-Pierre:
Tom:
Marrell:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Jane:
Tom:
Alan:
Tom:
Marrell & Alan:
Tom:
Jean-Pierre:
Alan:
Tom:
Jane:
Alan:
Jean-Pierre:
Alan:
Marrell:
Alan:
Marrell:
Jane:
Marrell:
Tom:
Jane:
Alan:
Jane:
Tom:
Jane:
Marrell:
Tom:
Jane:
Alan:
Jane:
Tom:
Jane:
Marrell:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
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All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
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All Except Jane:
Alan:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
Alan:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
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All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
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All Except Jane:
Tom:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
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All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
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All Except Jane:
Jane:
All Except Jane:
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All Except Jane:
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All Except Jane:
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Jane:
Alan:
Tom:
Jane:
Marrell:
Tom:
Marrell:
Alan:
Jane:
Alan: |
|
Time for the game
Time for you to leave the room Jane
Aw Tom I told you I don’t want to play
It’s a fast-moving game
(giving in and grabbing her coat) I’m putting on my
coat and I’m leaving in ten minutes
Even if the game’s not over
I Promised Maude’s Babysitter
(to Jane) Don’t put on your coat
Just leave the room and we’ll make up our story
Where should I go to leave the room
The bedroom I guess / Oh no
Not The Bedroom
(to Jean-Pierre) We have a baby
who sleeps in fifteen-minute increments
(She laughs an insane-sleep-deprived mother’s laugh.)
But it’s okay A baby doesn’t mean your life stops We
still have dinner parties
(?, to Marrell) We do
Well this is our first actually but we’ll
probably make this a weekly thing
GREAT I’m Free For All Foreseeable Weeks
Shhh
I’ll wait in the hall
Okay
When do I come back in
We’ll call you (Jane leaves.)
(to Jean-Pierre) Isn’t she great
(to the French guy) Have you ever played this game
Pierre
Jean-Pierre
No
What
I’ve never played this game
Oh
It’s a great game
Great
Are you sure she wants to play
Do people call you anything for short
Like what
JP
PJ
PJ
No
I’m glad to hear that
How do you people know each other
Alan and Jane and I went to college together
And Tom was there too actually
She means I worked there
Where
At the college
I mowed the ivy
I hate it when you make that joke
It’s not a joke
Yes it is
It’s some kind of horticultural slash socioeconomic joke
Oh man I Hate
horticultural slash socioeconomic jokes
(to Jean-Pierre) Their good fortune embarrasses them
You spent more time in the library than I did Tom
I was quite happy to better myself by inhaling their
privileged carbon dioxide
That sounds so bitter / why do you sound so bitter
I’m not bitter I’m grateful
(to Jean-Pierre) Through the ivy I met my wife
(to Jean-Pierre) The four of us have known each other forever
That sounds bleak Marrell
(?) Forever
Since when did Forever become bleak Tom
(pointing across the room)
where did that plank come from
That’s not a plank Marrell That’s black maple
Why is it here
I’m going to use it for something
(SLIGHTEST PAUSE)
I guess I’m sort of begging you Tom that
before you bring any more things you’re Going To
Use For Something
into our home you first use all the things you’re
Going To Use For Something that are already here
(SLIGHT PAUSE)
So do we make up a story now
Yes What’s our story
What
Oh Right Here’s the thing
There is no story
I thought you said we make up a story
That’s just what you say
That’s what the person’s supposed to think/
That’s part of the fun
It’s confusing until you do it but it’s fun
We played it one night at a friend’s house
(?) Was it at a Dear Friend’s house
(ignoring Alan) This was before we had the baby
That’s the game
I don’t get it
There’s nothing not to get
That’s the game
There’s no story
That’s the point
What’s the point
It’s an interesting psychological exercise because
the player writes her own story
Oh but Jane hates games
This one is fun and funny
Jane could use some funny fun
Jane’ll be great
(?) But she thinks we’ve made up a story
Yes
(looking through the cupboards) Are you sure you don’t have anything else that’s not wine to drink
No
No you’re not sure
(in lowered tones) I thought you were cutting back
(in lowered tones) It’s still in the planning stages
She looks sad
(?) Jane
Because it’s only been a year
(in lowered tones, indicating Jean-Pierre) So why are you setting her up
(lowered tones) I’m not setting her up
(lowered tones) Marrell
(lowered tones) Because it’s been a whole year
(Jean-Pierre has lit up a cigarette and everyone stares at him. He puts out the cigarette.)
I’m sorry
I should have asked I’m
so used to being in places where everyone smokes
Well our infant son is trying to kick nicotine so
Tom
I’m sorry Jean-Pierre
I should make a sign
How many signs do you think we should have in the apartment Marell
I’m sorry
(Jane knocks on the door.)
(from off) Can I come back inside yet
(calling to Jane) Yes
(calling to Jane) Hi Jane
(calling to Jane) No
Wait
(to the people in the room) Did I explain the rules
No
If she asks a question that ends in a vowel we say No
If she asks a question that ends in a consonant we say Yes
If she asks a question that ends in a Y we say maybe
Vowel Yes
Consonant No
Y Maybe
(correcting Jean-Pierre) Other way around
Vowel No
Consonant Yes
Y Maybe
Right That’s it
Jane you can come in
(Jane reenters through the front door.)
Your neighbor wants to know if you can feed her cat
for a few days next week
(?) The super intense one
(?) The cat
The neighbor She’s
one of those people you’d rather talk about than to
But she’s a very destabilizing person because just when you’ve
written her off she’ll suddenly tell you your sweater’s really cute
She’s an evil genius
So what did you tell her
I smiled and nodded
(?) You nodded
So now I have to feed her cat in addition to feeding our baby
Uh are you equating the two responsibilities Marrell
I didn’t say yes I just smiled and nodded
Well non-commitally done Jane
(looking at her watch) Thank you So
I’m just supposed to start asking questions
Uh huh
Are you going to tell me when to start
Just start
Wait Did we tell you that you can only
ask Yes or No questions
No
You can only ask Yes or No questions
Really That seems so
What
(?) This is the fun game
Just Start
Okay I’m starting
Is the story real
(though Alan’s response is always a little delayed) Yes
Okay
Is the story about a man
Yes
Okay
About him um
only
Maybe
Oh Is the story about a woman
Yes
So it’s about a man and a woman
Yes
I got that right Okay do
they know each other
Yes
Are they close
No
But they’ve met
Yes
Would they like to know each other better
Yes
(admonishing) Were you listening at the door
Just lucky I guess Would they like to know each other
in a romantic way
Maybe
(?) They’re not sure
No
Or is one of them unaware of the attraction
Yes
Is it the man
Yes
So the man doesn’t know about the woman’s feelings
Yes
Am I especially good at this game
No
Okay uh
is the man married
Yes
All right
Is the woman married
Yes
I can’t believe you don’t think I’m good at this game
(Everyone, except Alan, gets that this isn’t really a question.)
No
Okay so the woman is she
married um
happily
Maybe
That’s confusing And she’s attracted to this other man
Yes
Okay Well
does her spouse know about his wife’s attraction to a married man
Yes
Does this bother her spouse
No
Is he extraordinarily mature
No
He sounds evolved
Yes
He’s evolved but not mature That seems contradictory
Maybe
Maybe
It sounds like you’re all going easy on this woman
It sounds like she should pay more attention to her
husband instead of fantasizing about this other guy
Maybe
These aren’t yes or no questions
Sorry Is this woman twenty
Maybe
Is she thirty
Maybe
You’re not giving me yes or no answers You’re not
making any sense
Is she thirty-five
No
Is she forty
Maybe
Stop it Is she thirty-eight
Yes
Finally
(SLIGHT PAUSE)
Wait a minute Is her husband alive
No
(SLIGHT PAUSE)
Is this woman someone we know
Yes
Someone we know very well
Yes
Someone in this room
Yes
Someone called
what I’m called
Yes
(SLIGHT PAUSE)
Is this supposed to be funny
(before he understands it’s a real question) Maybe
(SLIGHT PAUSE. Jane gets up to leave.)
Where are you going
Home
Don’t go Jane
(trying to grab her arm) No no It was just a game Jane /
There was no story
You made it up yourself
It’s just a fun
game
Come on Jane
(punctuating the above after Jane gets up) Jane Jane Jane
(as she grabs her bag, exits in a hurry)
How Many Times Do I have To Tell You
Jane Hates Games
Yes
|
